When a Batak man marries a Javanese woman, the mertua-menantu story involves cultural translation. What is polite in Solo is rude in Medan. Globalization via TikTok and Instagram exposes young couples to Western individualism (nuclear family, personal space). When the mertua demands a traditional ritual, the menantu watches a video of a Swedish couple living alone in a cabin and thinks, "Why can't that be me?" This creates generational cognitive dissonance.
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This topic is a social minefield. Today, psychologists advise that mertua must adopt a "consultant" role, not a "manager" role. Unfortunately, many mertua refuse to step down from the manager's chair. When a Batak man marries a Javanese woman,
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On the flip side, there are stories of difficult menantu who reject familial hierarchy. This menantu refuses to attend family events, speaks rudely to elders, or demands the spouse cut ties with their parents. While modern psychology advocates for healthy boundaries, society still frowns upon blatant disrespect, often labeling the menantu as the source of keretakan keluarga (family cracks).
Historically, the mertua-menantu relationship was built on a clear, patriarchal structure. When a daughter married, she didn't just join her husband’s family—she entered the household of her mertua. The mother-in-law, as the senior female, held significant authority. The menantu was expected to be deferential, helpful, and skilled in domestic duties. Respect was non-negotiable; questioning the mertua was seen as questioning the family’s honor.
This dynamic, while stable, often bred silent tension. The menantu struggled between loyalty to her birth family and submission to her new family. The mertua, in turn, felt threatened by a new woman who might "steal" her son’s affection and challenge her domestic reign.